I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
