we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
