I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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