I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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