Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
