Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
