At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
