All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
