I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
