I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?