Texts From Last Night

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  (706): View more from Georgia

  oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.

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  (706): oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out. http://tfl.nu/6a0y
  Replies (5) Good night (871) Bad night (2890)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down

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  (940): never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down http://tfl.nu/bj4x
  Replies (48) Good night (5252) Bad night (1077)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already

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  (513): just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already http://tfl.nu/ip8k
  Replies (31) Good night (6877) Bad night (835)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.

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  (206): Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/drhd
  Replies (6) Good night (1215) Bad night (2947)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.

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  (303): Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila. http://tfl.nu/tq95
  Replies (8) Good night (2603) Bad night (823)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...

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  (608): This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me... http://tfl.nu/38uj
  Replies (10) Good night (3767) Bad night (628)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again

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  (978): No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again http://tfl.nu/wayk
  Replies (1) Good night (933) Bad night (493)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.

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  (260): One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not. http://tfl.nu/b9k9
  Replies (6) Good night (719) Bad night (917)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone

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  (317): The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone http://tfl.nu/xbvo
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (414)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.

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  (417): I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning. http://tfl.nu/bwti
  Replies (11) Good night (1527) Bad night (549)
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  (585): View more from New York

  He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants

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  (585): He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants http://tfl.nu/sshj
  Replies (7) Good night (690) Bad night (472)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"

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  (208): I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth" http://tfl.nu/32vn
  Replies (8) Good night (1184) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf

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  (253): Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf http://tfl.nu/ir0h
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (290)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.

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  (717): Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound. http://tfl.nu/jfvw
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (285)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'

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  (347): Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special' http://tfl.nu/d32s
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (270)

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