I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.