somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
operation have a gay friend backfired
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba