Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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