He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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