but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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