saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
