u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
