The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
