I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
