I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
