Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
