You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
