We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
