ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
