Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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