i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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