so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
