She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
