Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
