Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
