I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
