turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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