HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
