I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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