come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
