I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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