I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and she was petting her beer can
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can you bring me the toilet please
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
