I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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