I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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