What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
