What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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