is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
