yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
