Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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