I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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