you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The Olympian is in my bed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
