this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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