sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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