Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
