you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize