Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize