I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
