can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh god it's open bar.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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