can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
