You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
