my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
