Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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