how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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