I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
