she woke up with a sticky ear
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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