covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
