I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
