I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
