I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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