office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
