youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
is wine microwaveable?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
