alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
